Editor’s Note | By Bret Bradigan

Healing Masculinity

Bing Liu’s documentary “Minding the Gap” is winning awards and raising issues.

The fascinating documentary, “Minding the Gap,” is a poignant tale of skaters growing up and apart in a rusty Midwestern town. Filmed over more than a decade, it documents (among other important topics) how the absence of positive male role models caused these young men and childhood friends to founder and flail.

It’s a good bet that those Matilija Junior High School students who formed a human swastika back in December could also use more good male role models.

The documentary, by contrast, reminded me of my great good fortune. Not only did I have a sturdy, blue-collar father who taught me the once-essential skills of hunting, fishing, sharpening knives, shining shoes and a thousand other useful skills, but I also had two much-older brothers who exemplified the best virtues of being a man: Quiet, stoic types who did their duty for the families and communities, who served their country proudly and who have (and are) helping raise young men who will do the world proud.

Bruce, a bonafide Special Forces war hero, hardly says a word when silence would do. I remember riding with him in his sporty Datsun Z (I may misremember the exact make and model) some 500 miles from our grandfather’s funeral in Kentucky back home to New York; aside from the occasional grunt, he scarcely uttered a word. Still waters run deep – he teaches a course at West Point on the Vietnam War and is a high-powered hospital administrator and CEO.

Bob is much more gregarious, the unofficial mayor of our hometown. A retired Sheriff’s deputy and avid snowmobiler, he grooms hundreds of miles of trails each winter for his club and is deeply involved in youth sports.

Among my first memories of Bruce are of him resplendent in his full-dress Green Beret uniform, home on leave, tossing me from one hand to another over our clothesline. I was terrified and loving the attention all at the same time.

Bob would take me with him on many of his adventures — I was batboy for his baseball team, and would wait eagerly to grab my mitt and play pre-game catch with the players. He often took me along on his fishing outings – usually a two-step process. First we would take a seine net in the creek by our home to catch minnows for the bait bucket, then we’d get out on the many lakes and streams in our area for smallmouth bass, walleye, steelhead and salmon. He would even take me along every now and again on his dates, figuring that any woman who wanted to be with him should expect to enjoy fishing and hunting. Madelyn, the one who pretended the most sincerely, he married. I knew her before he did, because she was my swimming teacher, so I feel somehow responsible for them meeting. Forgive me, Madelyn.

My brothers, along with my father, represent the best of masculinity – passionate, powerful, focused and courageous. They were different in many ways, but very much alike in very important ways. It was like having three fathers.

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, nearly 30 percent of children are being raised by single moms. Those women are brave, resilient and absolutely deserving of our respect, but at the risk of stepping out on a limb, I’ll bet most of them would love to have a loving, eager partner to share their burdens and provide a balanced upbringing for their children. There is no job more important than being a parent. It’s too big for any one person.

Now, I do not hold myself up as a representative of anything special, or even think that their guidance has conferred any advantage or privilege on me. I am convinced, however, that it would have gone much worse for me without them, and their examples of how to be a man in the world.

My brothers think of me as a wild-eyed left-coast radical, when in truth I am a committed political centrist (Moderates of the World, Unite!) They’ve taught me that a person’s politics are the worst way to get a true sense of who they are, of their deepest values. So, in turn, I try not to hold their radical rightwing reactionary views against them.

My only concern about them is that they spend unseemly amounts of time on Facebook. But since they were such exemplary male role models, I guess they are entitled to indulge their gossipy busybody inclinations a little in their old age.